Revelation on humanity-- Stupid people still suck!

Recently I experienced this revelation about life, love, compassion, humanity. That much is true. I have a new-found gratitude for many of the simple acts in my life- looking up to the sky in the morning, taking a deep breath when I wake up, savoring watermelon, appreciating a good joke (cough, cough, muffin), relishing in a wet kiss, walking barefoot on hot blacktop. Maybe with age I am coming to terms with what it means to be human; the lesser known "riches of life". But one thing is for sure, and one thing I don't think will ever change about me-
I still hate stupid people. I fucking can't stand complete ignorance and plain old stupid. I don't understand it. I don't have patience for it. I don't have time for it.

I think stupid people should: A) Be thrown off a cliff in the Alaska. If the live they can at least have a physical handicap to occupy their time and not their complete blunder. Plus it's cold so haha frostbite.
B) Be castrated and desexualized so that the stupidity stops with them. Otherwise it becomes a vicious cycle of stupid genes meshing and mutating and reproducing stupid and those stupid knocking-up trashy girls who wear t-shirts that read "It costs money to look cheap"; who end up smoking Parliament lights and flaring their arms over head while holding Miller Lite bottles screaming "Woah! Livin' on a prayer!" Same girls who have rose tattoos on their ankles and swirly crap on their lower back. Hot!
C) Be maintained in a comfortable and completely thinkless environment in a human zoo where all they need to do is eat, shit, mate, argue, try to hang pictures, and program a vcr. I am sure the Japanese would pay big bucks to see stupid-Americans doing that.
D) Be locked in a windowless basement with no dehumidifier and only books for entertainment.

All this brought about on a day when my patience was hanging off of a loose string.
Picture this- Costco, Wednesday, around noon. My preliminary thoughts- it'll be quiet, mid-afternoon, pick up a cake and be right out. Not so much. Instead I was able to rub shoulders with Edison's finest; its creme de' le creme of complete idiocy. There should be a sign welcoming passers-by and visitors- "Home of the light bulb; Home of the most diversity in the state; Home of Susan Sarandon and Mark Polansky; Home of the dumbest people in New Jersey."
I pitied humanity. For a brief moment I considered a tear, but that was quickly forgotten. A blind cart driver smacked her purse right up against me getting to the Brita filters, oblivious of her collision with my arm. Distracted middle-aged women walked right into me and then gave me dirty looks when I didn't say something. In my mind- what the F a-hole!
I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I tried to book it, but was stuck behind a browser who hogged up the whole lane. I tried to scoot around--impossible. "Excuse me" I announced, attempting to make my voice sound kind and gentle. It came out gruff and annoyed. Nothing. She didn't hear me; the lady with the sun hat on and a long skirt didn't hear me because she had her head set on and was chatting it up with her girlfriend. Real important. I cringed thinking of her driving around in a Lexus SUV, chatting it up with her gf about tomorrow night's pot luck. Pop another valium.
I made it out clenching my jaw, my temples starting to pound. I reminded myself of one thing- compassion is a beautiful thing to demonstrate to loved ones, children, family, the ill. I tried thinking- be nice, maybe they have prostate, impacted wisdom teeth, bad hemorrhoids. I tried to give them the benefit. I rationalized that we all have bad days and maybe this was the worst one yet. The odds were too outrageous. Each idiot I encountered was ill in some way? No way. I got in my car, blared my Bon Jovi drove away cutting off some fine looking suv.

Simple Life

There was a time in your life when things were simple. Remember when people thought it was cute when you picked your nose, sucked your thumb or squatted in the corner for a private moment of release?
A time when wearing a plate on your head was ok and smearing pasta sauce all over your face was encouraged. Next time you feel your work load is too much. The perpetual list of to-dos keeps getting longer and longer. When life won't throw you a bone and keeps telling you to fuck-off. When that somewhere over the rainbow skies are still dark and gray, remember the simple joys you take for granted. Take a walk in the rain, play in the mud, throw a frisbee as hard as you can across a lawn, cannon ball into a pool before taking your clothes off; clothes? who needs 'em. Run around your house in your underwear and eat bomb pops. Watch the Muppet Show. Veg in the backyard and read a book. Run around the block as fast as you can then come back home to drink out of the hose.

Diet Coke and Mentos fountain

Beats the Bellagio any day. Very cool fountain w/Diet Coke and Mentos.

Sense Part Two (#18)

Sense: Part II (Working title)
Sense Installment # 18 (continued from April 19th)

His left hand slips under my arm and stretches around my back, a scarf wrapping around my neck with warmth and I know he’s done this before. I smell his cologne, anticipating a fervent shower when I get home; a well-needed one to cool off. The tip of his sneaker touches mine and it’s like a shock of something electric shot through my body from my toe into my back, to the top of my head until I think my hair is standing on end. I look into his eyes and think to myself how in love I am, how I want to adore this man and have as many children as he wants. He becomes a vision of happiness, what I think happiness should be. Our lips, after a long wait, touch, and they crush up against the other. They are soft and wet and cool. Then the lips touch the teeth, smooth and clean. They taste like mint. Before my tongue touches his, it brushes his gums, then plays forcefully with his tongue. A meticulous kiss with an arrangement and an order and a lot of tongue. I am thinking about his hand on my back and how it is stroking my bra strap, with each glide of his hand, lifting my shirt a bit higher. My palms pressed on his shoulders, not knowing what to do with them, pushing down, massaging out. I am excited I am kissing him, I am fulfilled because it has happened. I am still imagining our life together, kids and cars and maids and lots of love.

Liberation is at hand!

My liberation is close at hand. My shackles will be released on June 19th. In the meantime I am eating lots of tater tots and drinking pints of water. The tots of course keep me going and the water...well it does get to be 90 in the building, even on cooler days. I use it to wake up my students.
This year has been in short a bitch of a year. It's been the suckiest suck that ever sucked. I reflected much on my career choice, my life goals, my happiness.
At 20 I wrote a list of things to get done by 24. At 25 I revisited it and made some adjustments.
I didn't have my first born at 25. I haven't gotten published. I haven't even tried. I haven't spent a summer in Europe. I haven't hiked the Grand Canyon. I don't know how to rollerblade. I haven't sky dived. I've never skinny dipped. I haven't taken any cooking classes. I don't speak Spanish.
On my list you won't find make my first million, buy my first Benz, buy a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Those things are nice, they're fancy, they're luxuries. They're fluff.
I did graduate college. I do have my Master's. I am married and in love.
Still I feel a void. I was supposed to be more ambitious, more disciplined when it came to writing. I was supposed to be writing every day; supposed to be published. Instead I'm not. It brings me some comfort to know it's no one's fault but my own. I haven't even tried. How can I give up on something I haven't tried to accomplish? I am waiting for that one piece that will rock the world, that will make people blow their tops and question- wow, you wrote this? cool.
Instead I write vignettes, small pieces, flashes of interactions on yellow lined paper, observations on bar napkins, blogs of everyday. I need the balls to say f- this, I'm doing it.
Those of you who know me, know I am not a risk taker. I like order, organization, a systematic approach to everything from life to work. I need to make it happen, instead of waiting for it. How does one alter their being. Do I want it badly enough? Can I make it? Advice to feed myself.

"Sometimes you have to say what the fuck, make your move."- Risky Business

"From youth right to old age every word or deed which diverted me from my destiny I considered a sin." - Nikos Kazantsakis' Report to Greco

Today you experienced the biggest miracle of all.

Today you experienced the biggest miracle of all and most likely-- you missed it. You opened your eyes. You yawned. You took a deep breath. You turned over face down in your pillow.
You stretched your arms. You threw the covers off and felt the cool morning air. Your feet touched the floor. You walked. You turned the light on. Turned the radio on. You threw water on your face. You rubbed your eyes and you saw yourself in the mirror. You brushed your teeth, put your eyes in. You ran your fingers through your hair. You hummed to the music, singing every other word softly. You put on your socks, one at a time. You touched a tissue to your nose and blew. Your eyes teared. You got dressed listening to the weather. You moisturized and made up your face listening to traffic. You boiled water. Packed your lunch. Had your tea and toast. You walked out of your house. It was raining and you thought how shitty the weather has been lately. Your mind ran through a list of to-dos and must-get-done-todays. You forgot your water bottle and cursed because that would make you late. You unlocked your front door. You relocked it. You got into your car, not lifting your head up. You put the key in the ignition, started the car and hit defrost. You did your cross, part of the daily routine. You drove to work. You honked. You blew a red light. You cursed; all before 7 o'clock.
You didn't think today was a miracle. You didn't say thanks for giving me the gift to wake up. You didn't look up to see the sky. You forgot your purpose.You forgot to stop.
Tomorrow, if you're lucky you'll get another chance to experience the biggest miracle of all. When you open your eyes. When you wash your face. When you step outside. When you go about your day with your important list. Only this time...try not to miss it.