Liberation is at hand!
My liberation is close at hand. My shackles will be released on June 19th. In the meantime I am eating lots of tater tots and drinking pints of water. The tots of course keep me going and the water...well it does get to be 90 in the building, even on cooler days. I use it to wake up my students.
This year has been in short a bitch of a year. It's been the suckiest suck that ever sucked. I reflected much on my career choice, my life goals, my happiness.
At 20 I wrote a list of things to get done by 24. At 25 I revisited it and made some adjustments.
I didn't have my first born at 25. I haven't gotten published. I haven't even tried. I haven't spent a summer in Europe. I haven't hiked the Grand Canyon. I don't know how to rollerblade. I haven't sky dived. I've never skinny dipped. I haven't taken any cooking classes. I don't speak Spanish.
On my list you won't find make my first million, buy my first Benz, buy a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Those things are nice, they're fancy, they're luxuries. They're fluff.
I did graduate college. I do have my Master's. I am married and in love.
Still I feel a void. I was supposed to be more ambitious, more disciplined when it came to writing. I was supposed to be writing every day; supposed to be published. Instead I'm not. It brings me some comfort to know it's no one's fault but my own. I haven't even tried. How can I give up on something I haven't tried to accomplish? I am waiting for that one piece that will rock the world, that will make people blow their tops and question- wow, you wrote this? cool.
Instead I write vignettes, small pieces, flashes of interactions on yellow lined paper, observations on bar napkins, blogs of everyday. I need the balls to say f- this, I'm doing it.
Those of you who know me, know I am not a risk taker. I like order, organization, a systematic approach to everything from life to work. I need to make it happen, instead of waiting for it. How does one alter their being. Do I want it badly enough? Can I make it? Advice to feed myself.
"Sometimes you have to say what the fuck, make your move."- Risky Business
"From youth right to old age every word or deed which diverted me from my destiny I considered a sin." - Nikos Kazantsakis' Report to Greco
This year has been in short a bitch of a year. It's been the suckiest suck that ever sucked. I reflected much on my career choice, my life goals, my happiness.
At 20 I wrote a list of things to get done by 24. At 25 I revisited it and made some adjustments.
I didn't have my first born at 25. I haven't gotten published. I haven't even tried. I haven't spent a summer in Europe. I haven't hiked the Grand Canyon. I don't know how to rollerblade. I haven't sky dived. I've never skinny dipped. I haven't taken any cooking classes. I don't speak Spanish.
On my list you won't find make my first million, buy my first Benz, buy a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Those things are nice, they're fancy, they're luxuries. They're fluff.
I did graduate college. I do have my Master's. I am married and in love.
Still I feel a void. I was supposed to be more ambitious, more disciplined when it came to writing. I was supposed to be writing every day; supposed to be published. Instead I'm not. It brings me some comfort to know it's no one's fault but my own. I haven't even tried. How can I give up on something I haven't tried to accomplish? I am waiting for that one piece that will rock the world, that will make people blow their tops and question- wow, you wrote this? cool.
Instead I write vignettes, small pieces, flashes of interactions on yellow lined paper, observations on bar napkins, blogs of everyday. I need the balls to say f- this, I'm doing it.
Those of you who know me, know I am not a risk taker. I like order, organization, a systematic approach to everything from life to work. I need to make it happen, instead of waiting for it. How does one alter their being. Do I want it badly enough? Can I make it? Advice to feed myself.
"Sometimes you have to say what the fuck, make your move."- Risky Business
"From youth right to old age every word or deed which diverted me from my destiny I considered a sin." - Nikos Kazantsakis' Report to Greco
posted by SuperSideris at
10:56 PM
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