Belonging

The importance of being a part of a group. I work in a high school, surrounded by kids who sociologically are such prime examples of what humanity represents. The need to feel pretty, the need for positive reinforcements and of course the need to belong, the need to feel accepted. To some level or degree we all need some form of acceptance or reassurance. As rebellious as we are, we all like to think there is a place for us on this earth. Part of making us feel like we belong means fitting in with a certain group of people. Family, high school friends, college friends, co-workers, friends of friends', friends of significant others', clubs, sports, organizations, associations, etc. The need to identify with a group of people is a must.
International Child and Youth Care Network believes that a child cannot succeed in a school which he/she feels entirely and completely unattached to. Most children fail in school not because they lack the necessary cognitive skills, but because they feel detached, alienated, isolated from others and the educational process. When children feel rejected by others they either internalize the rejection and learn to hate themselves for being different, or externalize the rejection and learn to hate others.
I love this quote from John Steinbecks' East of Eden. It describes the story of the human soul.

"The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell of fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with crime, guilt —and there is the story of mankind." (p. 270)

I think of these things as I walk through the mall, noticing the ugly guy rushing through crowds of people, rude and abrupt, pushing without apology. I wonder where he belongs. Face, scarred, dimples of acne, hair greasy, smelling of stale cigarette smoke and Brut cologne. Who is he rushing to see? There's the lady, legs swollen, stomach bulging out of her two-sizes too small top, swinging her shopping bags, looking over at her much skinnier partners in shopping. Sisters maybe, definitely relatives. The two, they talk and the one with the plump thighs, she seems excluded, separated by an invisible barrier that sets them apart. All these people want is a place they can feel like themselves, abandoning the phony smile or tough exterior and being accepted for who they are.