Trees and Potato chips

Three months later and a limited diet that consisted of waffles, cereal, chicken and pasta, I have ascertained my allergy. Several visits to my (yes I've been there numerous time so I can say my) allergist, endless prick tests, weeks of journaling my food intake has proven that it is no food allergy. Oh no, not for me. I am allergic to....ready for this one? Trees. Yeah. a 4+! So if anyone reading this wants to get back at me for not laughing at your what did 0 say to 8 joke (p to the s: nice belt), making a big deal about not liking fajitas, hating your guts for randomly busting out into "She takes the money! When I'm in need" or kissing your boyfriend when I was 12, here's how...take me to the park for a day! Surround me with maples and hickories. Roll me around in freshly cut grass. Yup. Grass is up there too at a 2+, along with dust mites and cats (Billy, Crystal... you have to hide your pussies if you ever want me to come over again). All these years I've been a prototype of clean lungs and nostrils, healthy nasal cavity and fresh sinuses, and now- at 26 I develop allergies. Wait it gets better. The only option would be allegra-d for life. Not cool. I'd have to go off when a bun is in the oven. Or weekly shots for a year, then less often for 2 years after. So we're talking about a three year commitment to allergy shots. What have I done to deserve this? It's true, there was a time I was vindictive and used someone's toothbrush to scrub the toilet, slipped some bleach into the shampoo and yes, even spit in the mac and cheese, but those days are over. I'm all about good karma now-a-days. I'm all about emitting positive energy (and a lot of hot air). Some shit is not right though. Someone out there has a voodoo doll of me surrounded by little green leaves and grass. Keep hating. Must be my hot ass, or my joke-telling skills. Don't hate.
Joke for you. Have to give credit to one of my students for this one. Quality joke:
Two potato chips are on a roof. One jumps off, why doesn't the other one?
Because he was a wise potato chip!
Haha. Timeless.